Ten Commandments of Handling Conflict

1. Follow the 101% principle- The secret of handling conflicts

Find the 1 percent you agree on and give it 100 percent of your ability. Find it, pursue it, and make it happen. Find something you have in common with the individual and build a relationship on it. If they are into stamps, become interested in stamps and learn about the subject. If you walk into a persons house and see Tide everywhere, they aren’t into the cleanliness of their clothes, they are into NASCAR. Dale Carnegie once said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you”

2. Love people more than opinions

How often will you befriend someone over your opinion? Unfortunately, we get glued on what we think is right. Being a leader sometimes requires you to step outside of the box and see things with a new lens. According to Nelson Mandela “As a leader... I have always endeavored to listen to what each and every person in a discussion had to say before venturing my own opinion. Oftentimes, my own opinion will simply represent a con-sensus of what I heard in the discussion. I always remember the axiom: a leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.”

3. In any conflict give people the benefit of the doubt

As humans, we can be merciless. For example, if John is hosting a dinner party and is discussing a book called “Personality Plus” and then states Les Giblin wrote it. You know Florence Littauer really wrote the book, but is it really worth stirring up his emotions? Should you cause a conflict or save face? Someone that is developing themselves as a leader will learn to back down and let this go unnoticed.

4. Learn to be flexible

Whatever your endeavor is, you will deal with people that are proud. You will have to be flexible around them, but don’t be defensive. You’ll have to pick your battles appropriately, when in doubt, keep quiet.

5. Provide an escape hatch

When I deal with customers at work, they switch clearance tags. Regardless if they did it or not, I’ll say to them, “I know you didn’t do this, but sometimes people switch the tags, then they think better of it and abandon the item(s).” This right here provides them the opportunity to blame someone else for what they did. Obviously, you can’t get a discount on an item that isn’t discounted. Using proper phrasing like the one above has allowed me to provide better customer service to our customers.

6. In any conflict check your attitude

Are you constantly in conflict? If Bob has a problem with John, Paul, Jacob, and Peter- Who’s the problem? If you have a history of conflict, stop confronting people. Sometimes you will have to confront people, but leaders don’t look forward to confronting. As always, in any situation check your attitude before you hurt someone.

7. Don’t over react

Don’t use a hammer to get a fly off someone’s nose. Don’t bomb when the sling shot works. You picking up what I’m laying down? You walking my dog? You reading my mail? You ridin’ my taxi?

Don’t over react!

8. Don’t become defensive

When you hear bad news, don’t become defensive. Seek first to understand and gain more knowledge about the present circumstances. Thomas Jefferson once said "In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current."

9. Welcome conflict

Don’t be joyous over conflict, but conflicts will emerge regardless of what organization you build. The bigger the organization you build the more conflicts that will arise. Welcome the conflict, but resolve it quickly.

10. Take a risk with people

Orland Bloom said in dealing with people, “People come into your life and people leave it... you just have to trust that life has a road mapped out for you." God has a plan in place for you. You will have to take a risk with people by being open. As a leader, some people will rise or fall to according to your belief in them. Others will let you down, or take advantage of you.

As a leader, you will have to know them, grow them, and show them.

"We win, they lose!"

What comes to mind when you hear the names Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?

When you hear both of there names they have negative associations, but why? Both of these individuals had flaws in their character which affected their presidency. The two events that took place will always shadow their presidency.

What comes to mind when I mention the 40^th president Ronald Reagan?

A man of character comes to mind. He successfully dealt with the cold war and Iran-Contra affair. When Reagan was asked about how the cold war would end, “We win, they lose!” A man of character sets a daring bold goal, then goes out and achieves it.

We have all seen leaders fall due to lack of character; but, typically it comes down to not living a life of character. When you live a life of character, you’ll be attacked. A person can attack your reputation, but they’ll never take your character. Cervantes said, “He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all.” When the winds are against your sail, you have to have the courage to fight for what you believe in.

So let me ask you the question, what amount of money would you sell your character for? You may say, “My character isn’t for sale,” but unfortunately, most people will cave in when they are faced with a tough decision. MLK said, “The time is always right to do what's right”

Most people start with little things that are against what they believe in. Those little things become bigger things. It may start with stealing a pack of gum from a store, and then it turns into stealing cars when you get older. After that, it turns into bigger things and that is how we get the Enron’s of the world.

We need to raise a generation up with the proper character and morals being instilled in them. In everything you do serve people with the proper character and morals. Galatians 5:13 (RSV) says "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another."

Seven ingredients of individuals with character

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, life has been keeping me busy. I have been working on some truly great articles that will hopefully be complete in a month or two. It's 1:25 in the morning and I'm writing this on the fly. I could have made this article longer and better, but enjoy!

Seven ingredients of individuals with character:

1. Accountability
As an individual of character you will be accountable to someone. Preferably someone that is where you want, either spiritually, financially, etc. In all honesty, you will be accountable to many different individuals in different areas of life.

2.Responsibility
As a leader you have to accept the full responsibility of what happens. Regardless of what goes wrong, if you are the leader you have to accept responsibility and fix it.

3. Reliability
Can people rely on you? People of character can be relied on. Their are certain people in my life, if they say they are going to do something, I can take it to the bank that it's a done deal.

4. Self-Discipline
Men without character, they have been feminized by society. I could write a full blog on this subject, but instead I'll recommend any male readers to pick-up the two books "Maximizing Manhood" by Edward C. Lewis and "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.

I'll someday write a blog on the difference between a Male and Man, but you'll figure it out with those two books.

5.Integrity
People of Integrity base their actions on a consistent framework of moral principle. The best framework ever written is the ten commandments:

1. You shall not worship any other god but YHWH.
2. You shall not make a graven image.
3. You shall not take the name of YHWH in vain.
4. You shall not break the Sabbath.
5. You shall not dishonor your parents.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not commit perjury.
10. You shall not covet.

You may be the most atheist person on the planet, but these are simple principles individuals of character follow. Let's say for example, you are going out of town and all your neighbors follow the ten commandments, would that be a bad thing? You know your wife and children will be safe. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt they won't be raped or killed.

In every situation in life, tell the truth. A half true isn't a whole full truth. Always do what is right in life, regardless if your overpaid thirty-seven cents at the grocery store or if you accidentally get a "free" item.

People are always watching! They watch everything from the big to little things. For example, Burger King allows you to take a survey for a free whooper. You complete the phone survey, and it gives you a free coupon code. I've taken it at least ten times and I know what the code looks like. Two letters followed by five numbers. It cost me $1.80 in Kentucky for a whopper, drink, and fries. A man of integrity will take the survey every time and not cheat the company. Obviously, this is something petty, but individuals will do what is right all the time. So obviously, I have to make some surveys up to Burger King.

6. Impurity
Most men fight impurity of heart. Be pure in your heart and in your thought. You must be constantly aware and against it. This is something everyone struggles with, but individuals of character will succeed.

7. Overcoming Adversity
The test of a man's character is what it takes to stop him from reaching the goal.