Ten Commandments of Handling Conflict

1. Follow the 101% principle- The secret of handling conflicts

Find the 1 percent you agree on and give it 100 percent of your ability. Find it, pursue it, and make it happen. Find something you have in common with the individual and build a relationship on it. If they are into stamps, become interested in stamps and learn about the subject. If you walk into a persons house and see Tide everywhere, they aren’t into the cleanliness of their clothes, they are into NASCAR. Dale Carnegie once said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you”

2. Love people more than opinions

How often will you befriend someone over your opinion? Unfortunately, we get glued on what we think is right. Being a leader sometimes requires you to step outside of the box and see things with a new lens. According to Nelson Mandela “As a leader... I have always endeavored to listen to what each and every person in a discussion had to say before venturing my own opinion. Oftentimes, my own opinion will simply represent a con-sensus of what I heard in the discussion. I always remember the axiom: a leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.”

3. In any conflict give people the benefit of the doubt

As humans, we can be merciless. For example, if John is hosting a dinner party and is discussing a book called “Personality Plus” and then states Les Giblin wrote it. You know Florence Littauer really wrote the book, but is it really worth stirring up his emotions? Should you cause a conflict or save face? Someone that is developing themselves as a leader will learn to back down and let this go unnoticed.

4. Learn to be flexible

Whatever your endeavor is, you will deal with people that are proud. You will have to be flexible around them, but don’t be defensive. You’ll have to pick your battles appropriately, when in doubt, keep quiet.

5. Provide an escape hatch

When I deal with customers at work, they switch clearance tags. Regardless if they did it or not, I’ll say to them, “I know you didn’t do this, but sometimes people switch the tags, then they think better of it and abandon the item(s).” This right here provides them the opportunity to blame someone else for what they did. Obviously, you can’t get a discount on an item that isn’t discounted. Using proper phrasing like the one above has allowed me to provide better customer service to our customers.

6. In any conflict check your attitude

Are you constantly in conflict? If Bob has a problem with John, Paul, Jacob, and Peter- Who’s the problem? If you have a history of conflict, stop confronting people. Sometimes you will have to confront people, but leaders don’t look forward to confronting. As always, in any situation check your attitude before you hurt someone.

7. Don’t over react

Don’t use a hammer to get a fly off someone’s nose. Don’t bomb when the sling shot works. You picking up what I’m laying down? You walking my dog? You reading my mail? You ridin’ my taxi?

Don’t over react!

8. Don’t become defensive

When you hear bad news, don’t become defensive. Seek first to understand and gain more knowledge about the present circumstances. Thomas Jefferson once said "In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current."

9. Welcome conflict

Don’t be joyous over conflict, but conflicts will emerge regardless of what organization you build. The bigger the organization you build the more conflicts that will arise. Welcome the conflict, but resolve it quickly.

10. Take a risk with people

Orland Bloom said in dealing with people, “People come into your life and people leave it... you just have to trust that life has a road mapped out for you." God has a plan in place for you. You will have to take a risk with people by being open. As a leader, some people will rise or fall to according to your belief in them. Others will let you down, or take advantage of you.

As a leader, you will have to know them, grow them, and show them.

"We win, they lose!"

What comes to mind when you hear the names Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?

When you hear both of there names they have negative associations, but why? Both of these individuals had flaws in their character which affected their presidency. The two events that took place will always shadow their presidency.

What comes to mind when I mention the 40^th president Ronald Reagan?

A man of character comes to mind. He successfully dealt with the cold war and Iran-Contra affair. When Reagan was asked about how the cold war would end, “We win, they lose!” A man of character sets a daring bold goal, then goes out and achieves it.

We have all seen leaders fall due to lack of character; but, typically it comes down to not living a life of character. When you live a life of character, you’ll be attacked. A person can attack your reputation, but they’ll never take your character. Cervantes said, “He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all.” When the winds are against your sail, you have to have the courage to fight for what you believe in.

So let me ask you the question, what amount of money would you sell your character for? You may say, “My character isn’t for sale,” but unfortunately, most people will cave in when they are faced with a tough decision. MLK said, “The time is always right to do what's right”

Most people start with little things that are against what they believe in. Those little things become bigger things. It may start with stealing a pack of gum from a store, and then it turns into stealing cars when you get older. After that, it turns into bigger things and that is how we get the Enron’s of the world.

We need to raise a generation up with the proper character and morals being instilled in them. In everything you do serve people with the proper character and morals. Galatians 5:13 (RSV) says "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another."

Seven ingredients of individuals with character

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, life has been keeping me busy. I have been working on some truly great articles that will hopefully be complete in a month or two. It's 1:25 in the morning and I'm writing this on the fly. I could have made this article longer and better, but enjoy!

Seven ingredients of individuals with character:

1. Accountability
As an individual of character you will be accountable to someone. Preferably someone that is where you want, either spiritually, financially, etc. In all honesty, you will be accountable to many different individuals in different areas of life.

2.Responsibility
As a leader you have to accept the full responsibility of what happens. Regardless of what goes wrong, if you are the leader you have to accept responsibility and fix it.

3. Reliability
Can people rely on you? People of character can be relied on. Their are certain people in my life, if they say they are going to do something, I can take it to the bank that it's a done deal.

4. Self-Discipline
Men without character, they have been feminized by society. I could write a full blog on this subject, but instead I'll recommend any male readers to pick-up the two books "Maximizing Manhood" by Edward C. Lewis and "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.

I'll someday write a blog on the difference between a Male and Man, but you'll figure it out with those two books.

5.Integrity
People of Integrity base their actions on a consistent framework of moral principle. The best framework ever written is the ten commandments:

1. You shall not worship any other god but YHWH.
2. You shall not make a graven image.
3. You shall not take the name of YHWH in vain.
4. You shall not break the Sabbath.
5. You shall not dishonor your parents.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not commit perjury.
10. You shall not covet.

You may be the most atheist person on the planet, but these are simple principles individuals of character follow. Let's say for example, you are going out of town and all your neighbors follow the ten commandments, would that be a bad thing? You know your wife and children will be safe. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt they won't be raped or killed.

In every situation in life, tell the truth. A half true isn't a whole full truth. Always do what is right in life, regardless if your overpaid thirty-seven cents at the grocery store or if you accidentally get a "free" item.

People are always watching! They watch everything from the big to little things. For example, Burger King allows you to take a survey for a free whooper. You complete the phone survey, and it gives you a free coupon code. I've taken it at least ten times and I know what the code looks like. Two letters followed by five numbers. It cost me $1.80 in Kentucky for a whopper, drink, and fries. A man of integrity will take the survey every time and not cheat the company. Obviously, this is something petty, but individuals will do what is right all the time. So obviously, I have to make some surveys up to Burger King.

6. Impurity
Most men fight impurity of heart. Be pure in your heart and in your thought. You must be constantly aware and against it. This is something everyone struggles with, but individuals of character will succeed.

7. Overcoming Adversity
The test of a man's character is what it takes to stop him from reaching the goal.

Leaders do not swear

The apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians (4:29), “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”. As a leader it is your responsibility to build your people up. In addition, it is your responsibility to understand that swearing is completely unrelatable. True leaders recognize this and lead by example.

I’ve learned that when someone quotes a dead person, they are telling you something to save face. George Washington once said “The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.” If George Washington felt that strong against swearing, shouldn’t we also feel the same? I won’t go into a history lesson on how great George Washington was, but take the information he said and apply it to your life in a positive direction.

Swearing gives a bad impression that has the opposite affect you think it would. Most people swear because they think it makes them look smooth. You might use swearing to express your anger, frustration, and annoyance; but, people like to be around positive individuals. If you must swear, find a wooded area and speak your colorful words to an oak tree.

It might take you several weeks to break the habit of swearing, but as a leader you’re capable of doing anything you put your mind to. I’ve never seen a true leader swear. Leaders don’t swear, if you can show me a leader that swears- I’ll show you an average man.

Hugo Grotius

He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province
nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city
nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village
nor he a village, that cannot guide a family
nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to govern himself
neither can any govern himself unless his reason be lord
-Hugo Grotius

Closing the Gap with Reading

Rich DeVos once said "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible." Anyone with belief can get what they want in life, but they'll have to take themselves to the next level to do so.

I once posted something on Yahoo answers that answered a question that dealt with one of my former jobs. In the end I wrote "if anyone else needs assistance feel free to e-mail me" I long forgot about it, but several months ago I had some young business owners e-mail me asking for advice.

I sent e-mails back and forth, but I explained to them that they will have to take their level of thinking to the next level to be successful. I gave the pointers they sought, but if they were capable of running a business that produced 10-20k a month, they would have done so already. This creates a gap of where they are and where they want to be. My objective would be to help them close this gap. (If they so choose) Do I make 10-20k a month? Not yet, but if Gods plan are to use me to assist them just a little, then I've done what I'm supposed to do.

It's the foundation upon you start. If you're going to build yourself an ocean front house, you'll have to start with a good foundation. You won't be able to build it on sand, or it will come crashing down in time. In hindsight, you know you can't build a house on a sandy foundation and the same is for your life. If you lie (white lies included), cheat, or steal you might not be caught this week or this year, but eventually there will be a "crashing" moment and you'll be found out.

It's like the story of a seven and five year old that is near a hot stove. The seven year old decides to touch it to see what happens. He touches it and starts yelling and screaming. His mother comes rushing in to see what happened. She explained to them that they can't touch a hot stove without getting hurt. Moral of the story is both kids learn the lesson not to touch a hot stove, but the seven year old learned through his personal experience, while the five year old learned from someone else's experience.

How do you get experience from others? Books are a great way of taking years of experience and compacting into a few hours of reading. My mentor once suggested that I should read these books (with MANY others), I suggest you do the same. Some of these books have sold millions and millions of copies.

1.) How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
2.) Personality Plus by Florence Littauer
3.) How to Have Power and Confidence in dealing with people by Les Giblin
4.) Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
5.) 25 Ways to Win with People by John Maxwell
6.) Launching a Leadership Revolution by Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward

I'll leave you with this Albert Einstein observed "The problems we face today cannot be solved on the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."

Your Freedoms in this GREAT country!

The original source is unknown, but this article sums up why America is so great!

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence two thirds of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What we are so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more
food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in he backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative."